Profile for playerx876

Hey everybody my name is____

                                                         Insert name here

Im___ years old. madlibs is downH

INsert age here

Check it out!   dog diary     The lower the latest

                                                                                                                                                                              jokes etc.
      8
      8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!     
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!   
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!       
  10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!  
  11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!    
 12:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!    
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!     
  4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!    
  5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!   
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!         
    6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE! 
              6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MY PEOPLES BED!  MY FAVORITE

Cats diaryDay 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am  forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I
was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room,  his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

whoa i get dogs and cats ill put more of my humorous thoughts on as i go but enjoy these 2 for now

 Ok i have some useless questions that boggle my mind and should boggle yours too.

Is the hokee pokee really what its all about ?

 What happens if you get "scared  half to death" twice ?

Would a fly without wings be called a "walk" ?

If it's tourist season why can't we shoot them?

If the number 2 pencil is so popular why is it still number two ?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink ?

Why do   psychics have to ask your name ?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn ?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have  to drown too ?

Why do they say "near-miss", when referring to no collision?

If it's a near-miss, didn't they hit?

Why do you drive on a Parkway and park on a Drive way?

If "Con is the opposite of "Pro" is " Congress " the opposite of" Progress"

If olive oil is made out of olives, what is baby oil made of?

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy?

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices everyday how come nothing is free yet?

 Can a person without eyebrows show surprise?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery" ?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's suppose to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and cats always land feet first, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat ?

 Why is "abbreviated "such a long word

Why is it called a "T.V.set". and you only get one?

 Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and 
drive ? 

 Do vegetarians eat animal crackers ?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat ?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Do you realize that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!

Is it O.K. to use the AM radio after noon

If you throw a cat out of the car window does it become kitty litter?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

 Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice" ?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ?

Dear God,

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

 Dear God,

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,

More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,

Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog: I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise it's usually not a good thing

Dear God  May I have my testicles back?

Thanks

Chicken at the movies

A man approached the window of a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder and asked for two tickets.

"Who's the other ticket for?" the ticket girl asked.

"For my pet chicken." He said, pointing to the bird.

"I'm sorry," the girl tells him, "but we don't allow animals in the theater."

The man walked around the corner of the building, and stuffed the chicken into his pants. He returned to the ticket window and bought a ticket, entered the theater, and sat down.

The chicken started to get too hot, so the man, figuring it was okay because it was dark to unzipped his pants and let the chicken stick its head out.

The woman seated next to him looked down in horror. She nudged her friend Amanda and whispered, "Amanda! This man next to me just unzipped his pants!"

Amanda replied, "Oh, don't worry about it. Just ignore him. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

The woman whispered back, "I know, I know, but this one's eating my

 popcorn!"